I DIE, EVERYDAY I DIE.

My heart churns

And the pain rubbing inside my soul begins to fade

I cry less

My tear ends

I take a step into a different territory

Maybe it offers peace

To stay here…,

I die, everyday I die

                                                           Another day it comes                  

Pours at me anew

Declares war over my joy

Joy wins

Even through the tears

Yet it wars in the battlefield of my mind

Good over bad, wrong over right

To win this war

I die, everyday I die

Anger of the said,unsaid, forgotten,unforgotten             

Arguments I don’t wanna hear

Screams I don’t want to remember

Trials that scrape my emotions inside out

I lie naked inside

Fragile as can be

I shudder in the cold

When you are naked, the only choice is to be real

No place to hide.

No more secrets.

To reveal……,

I die, everyday I die

Torments ridicules my ego

I fight daily to gain

Peace eyes me moment by moment

Taunting them seemingly, but really me.

Hierarchies of growing lessons

Life aromas to sniff in order to know

Sometimes to taste in order to remember

Other times to look as it passes by

Many times it injects into the skins pores

Feelings too deep u can’t forget

To learn…,

Again I die, everyday I die

Then when it’s me who has done wrong

Acted in a way I shouldn’t have

Darts thrown hits straight at my forehead

The blame is for no one but for me to uphold

Slapped with the reality of attitude unacceptable

Apologies on the table

Give back 2 those from which we hurt

They hurt because we caused

We hurt because they hurt

It’s hard…

I die, everyday I die

I swallow bitter pills of change

Gallop down the liquid dosage of the new

Break down age old customs

Release them to go with the currents of the sea

They don’t belong anymore

They don’t make this heart flourish

They tarnish what is real

And feed with lies

Purge them out

To live I need to unlearn yesterday….

But there are truths in yesterday that must not go

To balance what to stay and what to let go…

I die, everyday, I die

                                                     Aches of the body knocks on the head

Needing pleasure, demanding

Inquiring and insisting to be fulfilled

I hold, I groan, I cry

I fulfil, I don’t

I have to, yet I can’t

I hurt

But it ain’t time.

Pleasure screams, I scream louder.

Today I win,

Tomorrow it wins.

To surpass I‘m stronger everyday,

To control unending takes hard work and discipline

                                                      I die, everyday I die

For a moment the eyes open

Suffering everywhere

Too many worse than me, yet part of us

Strong suffocates strong

Weak cripples weak

They wail, they scream

They ask for help

A time to watch yet unable to help

Heart sobs in reverie

I walk from their world to mine

But memories of their plight sticks like glue

How to forget, how to help, how to do better

I die, everyday I die

They stand taller than I am.

Mentoring and teaching

Perfect looking, yet ridiculously not

Today I learn

Tomorrow I learn my own

They teach yet they disappoint

Yet I look searching for greater knowledge

I look at them

And then past them at their creator

He has the answers.

He will know how

Yet schooling from Him is another journey

Another road

Another new

To walk on this road,

I die ,everyday I die

                          I die to live

           I live to die

                          I die to grow

           I live to breathe

                           In tears I die

          In joy I live, 

                             in pain I die 

        I awake to live

                             I live and die and die and live

        I breathe to live

 

                Yet live to die

I die to an end to live endlessly

                      To live eternal,

I die, everyday I die

                         

                          15^th June 2010